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Not limitation on the character's personality xD
Sorry about that.
Done well the gruesome images and the plot twist in the yet paint a very morbid picture.
However, one of the important aspects of science fiction is that everything must have a logical flow and I don't really feel it here.
I realize you have character limitations but I don't understand why the character Jack is even there considering his employer at least understood what this man was selling.
If Jack was a character from the past, this would make sense. But seeing that he's a being that inhabits the same "earth" the mad scientist does, this type of machine-animal science shouldn't be a huge shocker.
Literary wise the sentences are very detached and Jack seems to pull at his hair so much that I'm surprised he has any left. You rely on what the characters say a lot as opposed to make the descriptions of the animals into...descriptions.
The entire concept though, of a scientist going so insane as to use his wife and daughter in experiments is a little overused in my books. Though I read a lot of science fiction.
Good attempt though, especially with the character limitations!
I'd highly recommend you go back and iron out the loose ends though. Especially since the purpose for this piece in the contest entry has been fulfilled.
I could argue against your argument for logical flow, but this is neither the time nor the place for it. If you didn't feel it, though, it's because I was just getting used to the whole "Flash Fiction" thing, not because I intended it to be that way. I'm working on that.
If it makes any difference, I never thought of the man as selling anything. I just pictured some blurry boss figure stating something like "go see what he's up to," or something similar to that. On top of that, the scientist creates creatures that are very much beyond the norm. These are my thoughts behind it, by the way, not a defense. You have a huge point there, with the time-place issue.
Once again, I didn't see it as you did (though I can certainly see how someone could see it that way). I haven't read a lot of the later sci-fi; I prefer Zelazny, Asprin, and Heinlein to the more modern "apocalyptic" science fiction. Oh, well.
I've got this piece in my "Considerations" list, for an after-NaNo-burnout project. As of yet, your comment has been the most helpful in deciding what needs rewriting, and I thank you for that.
Gee. I'm not used to getting much in the way of constructive criticism here. If I sound a bit awkward, or if I appear to be defending myself more than simply explaining my thoughts, please feel free to tell me, because this is not intentional. You have very strong points, all of which will be addressed when I revisit this piece.
Once again, thank you,
Larken Rye